"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the universe deserve your love & affection." - The Buddha "Remember, you've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens." - Louise Hay I shared with my students this week a love story inspired by my son when he was 3 years of age. The story goes like this. My little guy was afraid of the water, he did not like the feeling of water on his face (be it bath water or raindrops), and wouldn't dunk his head in Tiny Tots One swimming lessons. This was a problem, so I thought, because in order to learn how to swim and pass Tiny Tots One, the child has to demonstrate the ability to fully submerge one's head! So on the eve of the final swim class (and last opportunity to slam dunk the dunk) while my boy was sitting in his birdie bath (water waist high only please), I decided to apply a little bit of reverse psychology and take the pressure of this whole dunking thing. I said to him "you know I love you even if you don't do the dunk." He took in the words with a nod and an "okay" and then proceeded with his birdie bath. The big day arrived and while we were walking into the pool facility, my son asked me "mommy, can you tell my swim teacher that you love me even if I don't do the dunk?" Enter heart melting and paradigm shifting. So while standing at the edge of the pool with my son's hand in mine, I proclaimed out loud to the dear swim teacher that I love my son even if he doesn't do the dunk!
And what of the result? Did he do the dunk? With all his little might, he plunged and plunged trying to do the dunk, but those deep brown eyes stayed locked with mine and did not go under the water. After this epic experience, we took a 4 year hiatus from scheduled swimming lessons and in the process discovered the pleasure of swimming in Grandpa's pool and splashing around in lakes during summer vacations. My son is now 8 years old (at the time of posting), loves the water, and has re-registered in swim lessons where he dunks delightfully. Crossing this story over to our own inner life, how often do we hear the voice in our head coaching ourselves from unconditional love or critiquing from fear of inadequacy? Can we love ourselves fully even if we haven't "done the dunk?" Can we be enough in this moment while holding intentions & goals for the future? Is it possible to befriend ourselves now even when we've made mistakes in the past? Just noticing what kind of inner coach has taken centre stage is a white hot strategy for well-being. From that awareness, we then have the choice to hire or fire the coach! As Louise Hay & Robert Holden, PhD., would recommend, try saying these words to yourself and see what happens... "I love you, I really really love you!"
2 Comments
Even though the name we gave to our species on this planet was Human-Being, I sometimes wonder if we should update the name to Human-Doing. In our current, commerce compelled digital age of "uber-doing", its easy to feel like we are not doing enough, don't measure up, and are in need of constant improvement. To combat this unhealthy mentality, I have decided to call the spring 2017 teaching theme White Hot Well-Being. At each class, I will present a well-being concept that is "hot" enough to burn through the fallacy of the human-doing state and "white" enough to bring light and awareness to the state of well-being.
YOUR NAME IS WHITE HOT I opened the season with the suggestion that we all review our personal / work calendars and scan for our own names' appearance within the schedules. For example, you may discover that the names of your children, or partner, or clients etc. have been inputted / written into your calendar, but curiously, your own name never marks the pages! For many of us, honouring our well-being may very well begin with choosing to value our own identity. For example, putting into the calendar that Monday night is "yoga night" is a wonderful step in a positive direction.. And yet there is something lukewarm about leaving this well-being activity unpersonalized. Try adding your own name as the title and the well-being activity as the subtitle such as "Jane: Yoga Class". Seeing your own name on the calendar may just be the white hot well-being visual that not only increases your commitment & appearance at class, but also signals to yourself and everyone else in your family / work system that you too are a human being whose self-care matters. I note the obvious differences
in the human family. Some of us are serious, some thrive on comedy. Some declare their lives are lived as true profundity, and others claim they really live the real reality. The variety of our skin tones can confuse, bemuse, delight, brown and pink and beige and purple, tan and blue and white. I've sailed upon the seven seas and stopped in every land, I've seen the wonders of the world not yet one common man. I know ten thousand women called Jane and Mary Jane, but I've not seen any two who really were the same. Mirror twins are different although their features jibe, and lovers think quite different thoughts while lying side by side. We love and lose in China, we weep on England's moors, and laugh and moan in Guinea, and thrive on Spanish shores. We seek success in Finland, are born and die in Maine. In minor ways we differ, in major we're the same. I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. |